Dear Kraddie
by DeadRat309
Summary: Old techniques never die. DarkKrad. Minor SatoDai.


**Title: Dear Kraddie-kins.**

**Rating: T.**

**Pairing: DarkKrad. Minor SatoDai.**

**Warning: Shounen-ai. OOCness. **

**Disclaimer: I begged for Krad, and got killed by Dark.**

* * *

This just wasn't right.

The Niwas knew that. The Hikaris knew that. The stray cat mewling by the window on the second floor knew that. Heck, the whole world knew that.

Erm... okay. So maybe he didn't know _that_. Being a legendary thief made common knowledge become a preciously rare and difficult gift of life by one way or another. Especially when you have all those cameras point at your handsome face and those squealing fangirls drooling over your feet every night. And not to mention an extremely hot blondie at your tail, waiting to be pinned to the damn wall and...

...Anyway, _that_. He didn't know that. Well, at least he hadn't until _she_ slammed a hand on the table, and the pathetic creak from the poor object made him nearly drop his half-eaten sandwiches to the ground. Girls were just troublesome creatures sometimes.

"No, no, no, no, Dark-chan. That just isn't right. I'm _so_ disappointed in you." Towa no Shirube said, swaying on her heels dramatically and nearly tripped over the who-even-knows-what-anymore mess on his floor. She huffed a little, before jerking a finger at his face and her nose wrinkled in a somewhat annoyed expression. "A natural flirt as you are, you should have known a gentler and more romantic way to approach Krad-sama! I mean, you flirt with girls just perfectly! But with him!? You can't just go your animalistic way and use that thing on a delicate entity like him!"

He quickly hid the fluffy handcuffs from her sight, while proceeding to finish his snack of the day. Dark smiled nervously.

"Well, perhaps you're right..." He replied in his own thoughtful way, tapping his chin and briefly wondering where he had left the damn rope and the bottle of whipped cream he'd bought for a _certain_ occasion. "But you know, he's not much of a romantic one..."

"NO BUTS!" The silver-haired girl bellowed, making the other presence in the room nearly jump out of his skin. "If you want to achieve something, you have to listen to me! After all, who do you think got Dai-chan and Satoshi-kun together?"

"...I did!?"

"Nonsense!" A pause. "Well... that might be true... Anyway, you'll never win his heart at this rate. If you want him to love you back, you have to do what I said. That's that."

The phantom thief opened his mouth to tell her something, but decided against it at the very last minute.

_Well_, he smirked lazily, _maybe it's worth a try_.

* * *

Krad cocked an eyebrow at the purple envelope. What kind of game was that thief trying to pull? The last time he checked, Dark Mousy was still a lazy-ass who didn't even know the definition of _letters_.

Perhaps the after-effect of having their own bodies was indeed _something_.

Narrowing his eyes at the name "Kraddie-kins" embroidered so brightly on the violet background, the golden angel threw his infamous death glare at the curious mail man – who was later announced as dead from heart attack – before turning around gracefully and strolled towards Satoshi Hikari's small apartment.

* * *

_**Dear Kraddie-kins,**_

_I was drowning in my beautiful slumber when With jumped on Daisuke's head and made him fall off his study chair, and then I suddenly wake up, bumping my head on the floor only to realize that I'm so deeply in love with you. It's freaking two in the afternoon, you know, and the realization came so suddenly that it hurts. _

_I mean, how could I be so blind this whole time? We've known each other for almost four hundred years. I should have known how madly and wildly I am in love with you from the very first moment we met. Your exquisite golden eyes had stolen my breath away when I looked into them, and I acknowledged that your delightful lips turned my legs into rubber when my feet gave way and let this graceful (and strikingly handsome) thief fell from his glory pride. With, get out, I'm writing a letter. There'll be no strawberries for you if you keep pestering me amidst my revolutionary realization of how madly and wildly I am in love with Kraddie-kins._

_Anyway, my sweetest vanilla ice-cream (I'm currently eating a cone, you know), I sincerely hope that these words will somehow convey my intense feelings for you, to let you know how much I think of you (in case you still don't get it, it's twenty-four hours per day). Once again, I love you._

_**Your loyal admirer,**_

_**Dark Mousy.**_

_P/s: I tried to write in ancient English like that Shake-whatever did, but since I don't understand a crap about the damn language, this is all I've got._

* * *

"Krad, what's that? A letter?"

Satoshi Hikari tilted his head as he saw his curse twitching at the piece of paper that was currently held between those long fingers. The Hikari hunter released an exasperated sigh, before turning sideway to look at the blunette.

"Satoshi-sama, may I borrow a pen?"

The next day, Daisuke Niwa scratched his head in confusion as the purple-haired thief walked gleefully to his room with a golden envelope in hand.

* * *

_**Dear foolish thief,**_

_I don't even know why I bother to respond to your... well... love letter. Perhaps I was a little impressed that you managed to write it without making too many spelling mistakes, and knowing a careless jerk that you are, I have to say that I want to compliment you for the effort that you have put in this letter. And it was written at freaking two in the afternoon, too. _

_How the hell can you still be sleeping at that hour!?_

_I am deeply touched that it had taken With jumping on the wing master's head _and_ the floor for you to realize your... intense feelings towards me. Maybe you should celebrate that day. By stop being a damn thief and cease to exist if you can, and I'd appreciate that greatly. By the way, it was not my delightful lips- as you have gracefully put it - that had pulled you from your glory pride when we first met. You just tripped over a banana peel. And fell on your rabbit. I think he deserves his strawberries for being mentally scarred from that day, the poor soul. (But really, what kind of idiot pour everything coming from his mouth into a letter?)_

_Stop eating vanilla ice-cream is my advice. You're going to gain weight._

_**Krad.**_

_P/s: I think you mean Shakespeare. You know, the infamous author who created the most pathetic mortals ever – Romeo and Juliet. At least pay him some respect._

_

* * *

_

_**Dear Kraddie-kins,**_

_Your sweet sarcasm just never ceases to amaze me, my little cupcake. Hearing those words from you hurts as though I had just tripped over a pile of books and fell face-first to the floor. Oh wait, I guess I did. Damn that Argentine, I knew he left those obstacles there on purpose. _

_You know, after four hundred years knowing you as the man of words, I can't imagine that you could you still call me 'foolish thief'. It wound me to criticize, but it is not appropriate for a love letter. The title needs to change, honey. I know you are able to. After all, you are the only angel I have ever loved, and until now, while laying in my bed (just so you know, your words changed the old me. Now I sleep at three in the afternoon instead of two), my eyes still see your pearly white skin glistening under the moonlight. The most vivid memory in my mind and my heart. You were so beautiful, love, that I found myself out of control right now._

_That is why I need something to keep me sane. I cut down on my ice-cream consuming, but I hope you don't mind chocolate truffles. You don't have to worry, my delicious candy, your legendary thief will forever stay in his beautiful appearance for you._

_I love you._

_**Your loyal admirer,**_

_**Dark Mousy.**_

_P/s: Is that Romeo guy Juliet's father? _

* * *

_**Dear foolish Mousy,**_

_I don't understand you. _

_Why do you keep this little sissy game, Mousy? It isn't like you at all. Don't tell me that this is what Towa no Shirube tell you to do, because you know, love letters are just imbecilic. And no, I am _not_ writing you love letters. These are just plain letters. And don't compare me to your food anymore, thank you very much. I ain't edible._

'_Pearly white skin under the moonlight'!? For Heaven's sake, I told you to **stop**_ _**peeking through the bathroom door**__ while I am in there. What kind of pervert are you? Seriously, you need to get a life, Mousy. As if being a kleptomaniac isn't enough, now you are revealing yourself to be a stalker as well. I won't be surprised even if you have your own camera for a special purpose. The Niwas must have spoiled you rotten, those thievish bastards. _

_Yesterday I found a piece of undergarment missing. Let me tell you a secret: It belongs to my dearest Satoshi-sama. _

_Sugar doesn't keep you sane, you moron. In fact, you don't need any. I hope you trip over Argentine's books again and die. _

_**Krad.**_

_P/s: No, Romeo isn't Juliet's father. They are lovers. Why did you even think of learning ancient English with that air-head?_

* * *

_**Dear Kraddie-kins,**_

_That underwear is Creepy boy's!? It's not possible! I mean, it's definitely you size! _

_...Not like I know anything about it, though._

_You know what, love? When I said the name-calling should be changed, I didn't mean the 'thief' part. I mean the 'foolish' part. You can at least have the decency to call me Mousy. Or Dark-sama. Or koi. Or 'my lovely seme'. Whatever. And yes, my beautiful artwork, you _are_ edible. In fact, you taste delicious with whipped cream and chocolate syrup on top. Perhaps you are willing to try strawberry ice-cream and honey?_

_I don't have a camera. But hey, it might be a good idea. Thank you for the suggestion. I know that you love the attention I gave you. You don't have to be so straight-forward, I understand my little bird just by looking into his beautiful golden eyes._

_By the way, tomorrow is our birthday, don't you remember? I've got a gift for you. Open it, it's a surprise. I'm excited._

_And don't call me air-head. I can learn ancient English just perfectly. Doubt thou the stars are fire. Doubt that the sun doth move. Doubt truth to be a liar. But never doubt my love._

_...I'm hungry._

_**Your loyal admirer,**_

_**Dark Mousy.**_

_P/s: I actually knew that Romeo and Juliet were a couple. And they traveled to the devil's island with a dog and a monkey and a bird to protect their village. Hah._

* * *

_**Dear Mousy,**_

_So you _did _steal my undergarment. I can't believe you. The next time we meet, return it immediately, or else you know very well what will happen._

_You are so troublesome. Complain about the name-calling again, and I swear that I _will _kill you. One more thing: throw your dirty and perverted talk out of the letters. People don't pay much respect to others' privacy these days. The new mail man practically fainted when he stole a look at the damn paper. It was your fault for putting it in a __**purple**__ envelope to start with. _

_For the umpteenth time, I am __**not **__blushing, Satoshi-sama. _

_Give it up. Ancient English is just too much for you. If you try to stuff too much into your head, someday it'll explode. By the way, "I'm hungry" isn't romantic in every sense of the word. Not that I care, though._

_Satoshi-sama, I said that I was __**not **__blushing. I never will._

_I sent you back a pack of hand-made sweet. Happy birthday, Mousy._

_Finally, what the hell am I going to do with a frilly pink dress?_

_**Krad.**_

_P/s: No, that's Momotaro. And Momotaro didn't even have a lover._

* * *

_**Dear Kraddie-kins,**_

_So it really is your underwear (beams). I knew it._

_...Not like I have any idea about that underwear, though._

_You look so adorable when you blush. And I bet you'll look even more adorable in that dress. When I came to the store and describe you to the shop assistants ("an extremely beautiful blond with stunning golden eyes like burning stars and super hot body"), they picked it for me. Human have strange sense of fashion these days, I guess._

_I have received your sweet. So delicious and filled with love. Each time the sugary taste melt on the tip of my tongue, I remember you and your lustful pink lips. The image makes me want to come to you and hold you in my strong arms right now. You must have thought about me when you made the candy with your delicate hands._

_Love you much more than chocolate truffles._

_**Your loyal admirer,**_

_**Dark Mousy.**_

_P/s: I don't give a damn about your Momotaro. She can die for all I care._

* * *

_**Dear Mousy,**_

_You liar. You haven't even touched the sweet pack, have you? I put poison in it, so if you had laid your hands on it, you wouldn't be able to move now._

_Like hell I am going to put on that dress for you._

_**Krad.**_

_P/s: Momotaro's a he._

* * *

_**Dear Kraddie-kins,**_

_So that's why that Saehara kid still hasn't woken up. I thought it was because of your cooking skills..._

_I can still feel your love nonetheless. After all, you have gone all the way to pick those ingredients. And the candy actually _looked_ delicious. _

_Oh, I have to go now, Emiko's yelling at me for being late for some stupid heist._

_Love you._

_**Your loyal admirer,**_

_**Dark Mousy.**_

* * *

_**Dear Mousy,**_

_(Twitch) Are you saying something about my cooking skills? _

_Anyway, the 'stupid heist' you mentioned seems to be the one in which I had to wait for you for two hours straight. What kind of thief are you?_

_Go rot in Hell._

_**Krad.**_

* * *

_**Dear Kraddie-kins,**_

_Are you angry at me?_

_**Your loyal admirer,**_

_**Dark Mousy.**_

_

* * *

_

_**Dear Mousy,**_

_No, I'm not angry at you. Just... stop these stupid letters. You know we can meet and just talk or something._

_What are you trying to tell me, anyway?_

_**Krad.**_

* * *

_**Dear Kraddie-kins,**_

_Fine. Fine. I'll tell you (pouts). Sheesh, sometimes you're just too smart for your own good, blondie. _

_...Will you go out with me?_

_There. I said it._

_**Your loyal admirer,**_

_**Dark Mousy.**_

* * *

_**Dear Mousy,**_

_...I don't know if you're really stupid or what. _

_Thief, we've _already_ been going out. For __**two fucking hundred years**__._

_**Krad.**_

* * *

_**Dear Kraddie-kins,**_

_Oh, right. I forgot. That's what I tried to tell Towa in the first place._

_Eh heh heh..._

_....So what the hell are we writing these letters for?_

_**Your loyal admirer,**_

_**Dark Mousy.**_

_

* * *

_

_**Dear Mousy,**_

_I've been wanting to say this for a pretty long time, so just let me say it now: Screw you._

_**Krad.**_

* * *

_**Dear Kraddie-kins,**_

_What a good idea! I'll come to you right away!_

_Except... I'm not the one who's gonna get screwed, you know._

_**Your ultimate seme,**_

_**Dark Mousy.**_

* * *

Satoshi raised an eyebrow as an indescribable yelp and the sound of something being tackled to the floor suddenly floated out from Krad's bedroom. Daisuke tilted his head curiously as he positioned himself comfortably on the icy Commander's lap. "What is Krad-san doing in there, Hiwatari-kun?"

"He's writing a letter, I think..." the azure-eyed boy replied absent-mindedly.

He didn't know people could moan like that while writing a damn letter.

* * *

_Romance sucks. I don't know why I keep writing it :P. And I just realized that I suck at ancient English as well XD. _

_This story is dedicated to __**Astrid/Shira the fluffy llama. **__I'm sorry, Astrid-chan, this was meant for your B-day (cries). I guess now it can't be called a B-day gift anymore, so please accept it as a gift only (weeps). I know I'm so stupid. I'm sorry (again)._

_My special thanks to __**KhonsuYue, The Lantern, QueenOfThePirates, Stormshadow13, Zailana, animeanie, simply anonymous, TheEvilMuffinToaster, Laura **__for their reviews on my fic 'Every little thing', and __**Midnight Ghost, ChibiRyou200, FireFlower19 **__for their reviews on 'KRAD: Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual'. I love you guys so, so much._


End file.
